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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Family and my now desperate need for sleep

Wow what a long day. I had my Drama Ensemble performance tonight, so we started rehearsing at school at 11.30 and continued with it until the performances at 7...I got home about an hour ago and man am I ready for some sleep. Strangely enough, here I am blogging instead of getting the much needed shut eye.

Drama is a passion for me. It really is. I was up there on stage tonight, thinking how vastly different this trait is compared to the rest of my family. Now on stage is probably a bad place to begin thinking thoughts like that, but it really has been on the mind tonight. Not in a nasty sort of way, but in an 'oh, yes. I see.' sort of way.

I often feel like a bit of an oddball in my family when it comes to things like this, I know that they can appreciate it, enjoy it and realise that I love it, but just how much I do is probably not such an easy concept for a bunch of introverts like them. I was actually quite disappointed to only see 3/5 family members there to see me. Oh well, probably my fault for forgetting that they probably had no idea it was on.

In fact, the more I think about this, the more I realise that some of my family does not know me as well as I would like at all. Again this is probably mostly or at least partly my fault. Being the youngest one with the theatrical tendencies is not always an easy 'role' to get out of when you would like to be taken seriously or wanting to express yourself on a slightly deeper level. As a result, my family know several facets of me very well, and the other sides barely at all. I think I am a bit afraid of being vunerable to them, not because I don't love them. I do. Desperately so.
It is something that I dislike immensely, because it means that a fair few of the people that mean the world to me don't actually know me beyond comfortable surface knowledge and an over familiarity with some of my good and especially my bad points.

It was bought home to me again tonight after getting home from Drama. I was chatting to Dan online and he mentioned that Bec was thinking/planning a trip to Tassie to do the overland track. I said...how cool! What he said next kind of surprised me. He said 'She didnt think you'd want to come.'
sirens went off in my head

'she thought wrong' I said
'I thought so' he said

now I find it a little strange and a little sad, that my own sister (yes dear I can hear you next door) would not know that I would love that.

By the way, this is HANNAH and not EMILY ...just in case you forgot Bec. For those of you that don't know, Emily would not be partial to hiking in Tassie. And surprise surprise, I would. How glorious!

Apologies for the blog turned rant. Sisters, if you read this it is cetainly not an attack on you...I'm just wrestling with these notions, Much of it is my own fault. It's quite thought inducing to realise that the person you know you are and want to be known by others as has not been realised by some of the people you share a house with.
Now either there is something wrong with me, or the Fam and I have grown complacent in our relationships with each other. I really do crave to be known as more than just the little sister. And I'm quite positive that I want to know them a fair chunck better than I currently do.

Take me seriously...but not too seriously!

love the youngest.

Dear youngest,

I think you'll find you are missing a photo.

The 'Bec' refered to is actually Laura. So I might just clarify that. It was the first I'd heard of it too - well you know L and her adventuring tendencies.

When are you next singing? I want to know because I want to come.

As for the 'only drama one' - heres something you might not know. I used to really like drama when I was younger and then something (I'm not quite sure what) crushed that and I never really looked back.

I like you being different, it's a refreshing change.

And I want to have coffee just with you sometime soon - I've been thinking about it for a while now.

oh... and go to bed (or should I just knock on the wall?)

Being a fellow youngest, and a fellow oddball in the family, I can sympathise to a varying degree. I've had similar thoughts a whole lot of the time, especially when I see how much closer my sister is to my parents than I ever seem to be, or will ever seem to be. But do get your family involved - let them know what is going on that you're doing. I found out the hard way that they were only too happy to come along to screenings of my work, or to get online each night and look at more of my work, and that it wasn't them not wanting to come, simply me not letting them know it was available.

Let them know. It'll help. :)

Oi! Han what's going on....? Last time I suggested a family hike down at Wilsons Prom you and Em went up in arms about it...and you said specifically, "I like being in places not hiking to get to them!" (May be it was a once off thing?!)

And considering I've totally missed a facet of you how about you come and invite yourself in my room for a chat some time...or vice versa but my rooms just a little less *cough*messy*cough*. If you're ready to put you're boots on then I have plans heheh

it was more the hiking with mum I was a little opposed to...I'm sure you'll get my gist.

bec. Coffee is on. You tell me when.

apologies for the mix up with my other dear sister! For some reason I assumed it was you.

love all round.

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